LOVE IS A DECISION

A Marriage Enrichment Handbook

Exercises and Insights on Making Your Relationship Work

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January 1, 2030

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Love is a Decision - Compromise

February 15, 2018
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About Us

At the heart of a decision to love is the willingness to make a compromise. Deciding to love is not gritting our teeth and giving in to our spouse; rather it is a loving compromise with which both feel comfortable. After 50+ years of marriage, we have made loving compromises with respect to:


Area for Compromise

Charlie Would Like

Marty Would Like

Socializing

Spending 

Child discipline

Physical touch

Quality... Continue reading

I Gen

February 15, 2018
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Family

Jean M. Twenge. 2017. Atria Books: New York


Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor, has coined the term iGen to describe the age cohort of persons born after 1995. She uses 1995 because it marked the birth of the Internet. Twenge extensively researched the fundamental differences between iGen’ers and previous cohorts, particularly the Millennials (born 1980-99). After 1995 she detected substantial Internet-related behavioral shifts. We ha... Continue reading

A Looser Knot

February 15, 2018
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Family

The Economist (2017).  November 25, 2017 


In November the Economist published a special supplement on the state of marriage throughout the world. While we will mostly be discussing marriage in the U.S; we highly recommend reading the supplement in full to understand the fascinating international similarities and differences. 


In Western countries, marriage historically constituted an essential step in the road to full adulthood. Ma... Continue reading

LOVE IS A DECISION - Take Away Skills from each Chapter

February 27, 2017
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Book

Want to know what you will get out of each chapter of our ebook? Below we break down the skills, by chapter, that you will walk away with.


|  WORKING ON ME  |


Chapter 1: Ideals v. ValuesDistinguish between your ideals versus your values
Determine what you and your spouse value
Write your own epitaph

Chapter 2: Personality Styles

Identify your personality style (Friendly Helper, Strong Achiever... Continue reading
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Family Screen Time Ground Rules

February 21, 2017
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Family

Two-thirds of parents have not established rules about how much time children should spend on screens. Rules are needed, but they should be followed by parents as well because Children learn by example. When parents are screen-free, they let their children know they that they have undivided attention. Experts advise the following screen usage ground rules: 


1. No Electronics for Little Ones.

Per the Academy of Pediatrics, infants under 2 should not be exposed to a... Continue reading

THE FAMILY MEAL

February 13, 2017
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Family

Now a too neglected, but extremely important ritual, is eating an evening family meal. A family meal has three features. First, all family members attend. Second, the TV, mobiles and pads are turned off for the duration of the meal. To avoid dreaded telemarketers who prey on us at meal time, unhook the phone if you have a land line. Third, each family member shares his or her day with the family. In our family, family members share on these questions.

What was the best thing that h... Continue reading

USING MYERS BRIGGS (MB) TO GROW IN LOVE - Part 4 of 4

February 06, 2017
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Myers Briggs

JUDGERS (Js) V. PERCEIVERS (Ps)

Judgers (Js) like to plan ahead.  They keep a list of what they have to do.  Js relish crossing items off their list.  Indeed. after finishing a task not on their list, they often put it on to enjoy crossing it off. Perceivers (Ps), on the other hand, don’t like, even abhor, lists.  Even if they keep a list   they often forget to look at it.  When you think of a P, think of one word:  Procrastinator.  They like to... Continue reading

USING MYERS BRIGGS (MB) TO GROW IN LOVE - Part 3 of 4

November 08, 2016
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Myers Briggs

THINKERS (Ts) V. FEELERS (Fs)

Let’s be very clear, thinkers (Ts) have feelings and feelers (Fs) use their logic.  However, when making decisions, Ts rely more on logic; Fs rely more on how people will be affected by a decision.  Let us give some examples of how the T and F preferences have shaped our family’s decisions.

 
How Much to Charge?

In our family, we had three Fs (Charlie, Marty, and Heidi) and one T (Lincoln). Let us share with you two instances whe... Continue reading

USING MYERS BRIGGS (MB) TO GROW IN LOVE - Part 2 of 4

October 31, 2016
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Myers Briggs

SENSORs (Ss) V. INTUITIVES (Ns) 

Sensors (Ss) take in information mainly by means of their five senses—seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and tasting. Intuitives (Ns), by comparison, take in information mainly through their sixth sense: intuition. Ss look at what is; Ns at what could be. Ss focus on the present and the past; Ns on the future. 


When teaching MB, to demonstrate the difference between sensors and intuitors, we separate Ss and Ns into two groups We... Continue reading

USING MYERS BRIGGS (MB) TO GROW IN LOVE - Part 1 of 4

October 19, 2016
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Myers Briggs

In 1942, Isabel Myers, and her daughter, Katherine Briggs, created the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).  Upset by reports of Nazi atrocities, they hoped that people would use the MBTI to understand themselves and others better.  Now extremely popular, many folks have taken the Myers-Briggs (MB) test, but sadly few actually use MB to understand each other.  Indeed, most forget their MB type.  Our goal is to change that dynamic.  We hope that you will... Continue reading

POPE FRANCIS | AMORIS LAETITIA: ON LOVE IN THE FAMILY*

October 08, 2016
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Religion

Pope Francis met with lay persons and clergy for two years in the synod process to examine the issues facing the modern family and the Church’s response to those issues. The word synod comes from the Greek meaning word for meeting and is synonymous with the Latin word meaning council. The post Synodal exhortation by Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia, was released on April 8, 2016.  The Synods’ participants formed small discussion... Continue reading

Our Call to Service: Volunteers in Service to America (VISTA)

September 04, 2016
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About Us

(Charlie) Both Marty and I felt a strong call to service. Marty’s Catholic education had stressed the call to serve God. I too felt extremely thankful for the education and my upbringing. We decided that after our honeymoon we would go into VISTA, the domestic Peace Corps.


(Marty) After our VISTA training in Atlanta was completed, I was assigned to help the Head Start program for early childhood education located in Atlanta. The program needed a Director of Volunteers. The vol... Continue reading

The Marriage Proposal: Were We Crazy?

September 03, 2016
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About Us

(Charlie) After our first date we had a couple more dates. I was truly stunned by Marty – – beautiful, kind, smart, faith-filled. Totally out of my league, I didn’t even try to hold her hand. Indeed, I once walked several miles across town but did not have the courage to knock on her door. I just sat outside for about an hour and went back to my apartment. Marty told me that she was going to drive to Boston to meet her former college roommate, Mary Anne. They had both been history majors... Continue reading

Our First Date: Fate, Kismet, Chance, or the Holy Spirit?

September 02, 2016
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About Us

(Charlie) I was going to summer school at the University of Michigan. One of my roommates, Randy, had a date with Marty. He asked me if I want to come along and maybe Marty’s roommate could go on a date with me. But she was not available, so the three of us went out. During our discussions, I mentioned that my mother’s mother had been a Christian scientist. She had had a mild heart attack but did not tell anyone. Soon after, she had a second heart attack and died when I was 11 years... Continue reading

Who We Are

September 01, 2016
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About Us

We are Charlie and Marty Coe. Married since 1967, we have lived both ends of the happiness/disillusionment spectrum. In our early years, we were madly in love. We would pinch ourselves in disbelief that we were so fortunate to be married. But disillusionment insidiously crept into our marriage.


We entered into a life of married singles. Charlie immersed himself in his job, jogging, television, and other activities, leaving little time for Marty. Likewise, to fill her lonelin... Continue reading

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John Smith

 

January 1, 2030

 

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